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Whatsapp Blue Ticks
It started with two harmless blue ticks on my Whatsapp. My boss had sent a “Hello” and since I didn’t want to chat with him on a Saturday night, I pretended to be offline by turning my phone data off. Who wants to chat with their boss on a Saturday night? Hey, Saturday is the day of the Lord when men consummate steamy and long-life love with their girls or drink till the wee hours of the night with the boys throwing caution to the wind since the next morning is a Sunday and Sundays are your off days when you visit the Lord’s house.
So the Whatsapp message went unanswered and I only remembered about it when the next Monday morning, this smiling warthog in the name of a boss walks to my desk and hands me a termination letter saying that my services were no longer needed in the company since I had shown signs of insubordination by ignoring important communication from my senior. A Whatsapp ‘Hello’ was that important communication from a senior. After reading the letter, I glared at the son of a b*tch who was standing in front of me smiling triumphantly as though he had just helped the company gain a mega tender.
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The sardonic smile spoke volumes. It said that I was nothing in front of him and that he didn’t give a hoot even if I filed a case with the labour attorneys in my state. The warthog would just bribe his way and I would be left poor and crying after the exorbitant lawyer fees. The smile also said something else—that this brat had finally settled an old score that we had with him.
A Personal Vendetta
Two years earlier, I had married this damsel who had been his girlfriend but she left him after she realized that he was just a wealthy old man’s spoilt brat. He flirted with girls right infront of her nose and treated her with the most painful form of contempt that any woman could bear. When I met her for the first time, she was weeping uncontrollably at the company offices where I had just being employed. My boss who was her boyfriend had cheated on her again and when she brought drama and tantrums in the company offices, he asked me to take care of her. I was to lead her out of the offices but when I went to the spot that she was at, I felt pity and consoled her. She opened up to me on the pain that she had to bear being his girl and right from there, a relationship between us kicked off. The rest as they say is history.
However, when the spoilt brat knew about our relationship, he assured me that he would revenge. According to him, the girl was to be left single and lonely. So he gave me all kinds of odd jobs and expected that I would do them obligingly without any reluctance. For sometimes, I did until a time when I felt that enough was enough. The ignoring of the Whatsapp message was the last nail on my coffin. I was fired!
Jobless and Family Problems
Women are strange. When I told my wife that I was jobless, she wouldn’t hear of it. Though she knew that my boss was an asshole, she felt that I had been too liberal. Why for example, she asked, didn’t I plead with him? Plead with who? The jackass! I would only plead with him in my grave. She went on to lecture me on how hard it is to get another job especially in this hard economic times. How would I take care of her and the unborn baby?
I felt as though I had jumped from the frying pan into the fire. It was hard convincing her that I would look for another job and take care of the family. But she continued nagging anyway. And I went into a depression.
Binge eating became my consolace. My wife would leave me at home and go to her part-time cleaning job leaving me sitting in front of the telly with a bowl of French fries or popcorn as I watched one movie after the other. Interestingly, if you asked me what the movies had, I wouldn’t tell you.
The nights were my most torturous moments because my wifey would come in this killer red negligees of her and try to make love to me. But I was all cold down there. My magnum dong was asleep. Dead asleep like a dodo. This irked and though she assured me that I was going through much and that everything would be fine after I got another job, I could not help see the worry in her face.
My body was the most neglected. After six months of living this way, I had these ugly man boobs that made me cringe whenever I looked at myself on the mirror. My belly was sagging and I looked like Madea (Sorry Tyler Perry).
When all this was going on, I had cut all my social connections with people. I would not call back anybody who left a voice mail asking how I was doing. My self-esteem was so low that I always thought that they were trying to show me sympathy.
It was John, my campus roommate who felt that I needed help. So he comes into the house, breaks the remote control and tells me that I have gone all sissy. “What happened to the Mike I knew?” he asks and that kind of jostles me back to reality. Yes, what happened to that go-getter who would not have been so perturbed by a job loss? John helped me get another job and asked me to seriously think about shaping up because Tyler Perry was acting really well as Madea and we didn’t need another Madea (Sorry Tyler again!)
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